i already hear my dad disowning me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
