If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My pussy is not your playground.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
