I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
