I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
