If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
