so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
