If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
