The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
