it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
