I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
