So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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