Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
