dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
