Hey man sorry I got all grabby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
