Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
