she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
