I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
