kristin has been a bad kristin
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
