i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
