Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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