Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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