Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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