Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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