Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
