my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
