Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
