im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
