I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
