I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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