She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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