Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
