It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
