Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
