i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
