I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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