do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
