I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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