I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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