put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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