Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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