I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize