Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
