Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
