I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
