everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
