walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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