i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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