Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
