Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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