If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
