So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
