Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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