Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
