I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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