There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ruined the universe
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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