i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
tell me about the fingering
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