definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
