My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
