I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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