Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize