I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
