I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
