hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
