so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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