i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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