yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
