apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
